Hugging & boundaries 

Giving a Hug: Boundaries vs Culture

I was recently at a family birthday party and a man that I didn’t know approached me and shook my hand, but didn’t introduce himself. He then stepped to my wife; she extended her hand for a handshake, but he hugged her instead. She wasn’t necessarily offended but I was. I didn’t want to make a scene at the party, but I was very angry. I sought feedback and opinions from people that I know, but the responses were so “all over the place”, that I became more confused about how I should have responded.

My wife is Dominican and in her culture a hug is not inappropriate from a person that is familiar, however, in the African American culture it would not have been unusual for a fight to begin over something like this. Some of the feedback suggested that I may have insecurities, others said I should have pulled him to the ide. Still others said that it is my wife’s responsibility to stop the hug, and others said that it is no big deal if the hug was respectful. I would not put my hands on another man’s wife unless she initiated a hug with me. In the religion of Islam, it is forbidden to touch a man’s wife in any way. Yet in France, the culture would have allowed a strange man to kiss my wife on both cheeks.

What do you think?